People can be very skeptical of long distance relationships. Whenever you tell your friends you’re going to try to take things long distance you can expect to get a lot of pessimistic outlooks in return.
“Oh, you’ll get bored.”
“One of you will cheat.”
“You won’t have time for that.”
But the fact of the matter is, no matter how logical it may seem to break up…It’s really hard to break up with someone you actually like. That seems almost more illogical. So you pack up your bags, buy a Skype subscription, and see where the relationship goes.
There's this concept in Buddhism called "Mindful Thinking." I think it's called that at least. In any case, Buddhists seem to like it and they seem pretty content to me so I tend to take an interest.
It's that feeling where you're really 'in' the moment, absorbed in your surroundings, and enjoying every minute. It's like that feeling you get when you read the quote, "Carpe diem! Seize the day!"
"Yes," you think to yourself, '"I do seize the day."
I'm pretty sure reading quotes online while eating cookies in your underpants counts. That day seemed pretty seized to me.
I guess I bring this up because sometimes the problem with long distance relationships isn’t always that you fall out of touch and forget about the person. Sometimes the problem is that you think about the person too much. So much that you're not really in the moment. You become too absorbed in something that’s not around and neglect to make your life interesting. You’re too busy texting, or skyping, or looking up flights online. You're not seeking moments because you're too busy imagining all the great moments you will be having next time you see the person, and then all the sudden all the other potential moments are on a scale next to that one.
"Yea. I could get drunk, go to the club tonight, dance to some music, get back late and pass out. That could be a fun thing to do. But I'm pretty sleepy. I could also just go on Skype for 2 hours...Which would be AWESOME."
As it is, a lot of coupled people lose the motivation to go out and party as much. There's no mystery for them. They already know they're not gonna meet anyone they're interested in at the club. They know who they're interested in, and that person might be online right now. When couples are together, occasionally they'll just skip the hassle of going out and getting each other drunk and go straight to the punch line of ending up in bed together. Because hey, drinks are expensive, clubs are loud, sometimes you’re just sick of the song “I Gotta Feeling.” But when you're doing long distance, you don't have that option of being a boring couple and staying in together, and when you turn down social opportunities to wait around on Skype you sabotage yourself. You have to go out, you have to do things, start your new life, and yet somehow still include this other person who’s really far away.
It's that feeling where you're really 'in' the moment, absorbed in your surroundings, and enjoying every minute. It's like that feeling you get when you read the quote, "Carpe diem! Seize the day!"
"Yes," you think to yourself, '"I do seize the day."
I'm pretty sure reading quotes online while eating cookies in your underpants counts. That day seemed pretty seized to me.
I guess I bring this up because sometimes the problem with long distance relationships isn’t always that you fall out of touch and forget about the person. Sometimes the problem is that you think about the person too much. So much that you're not really in the moment. You become too absorbed in something that’s not around and neglect to make your life interesting. You’re too busy texting, or skyping, or looking up flights online. You're not seeking moments because you're too busy imagining all the great moments you will be having next time you see the person, and then all the sudden all the other potential moments are on a scale next to that one.
"Yea. I could get drunk, go to the club tonight, dance to some music, get back late and pass out. That could be a fun thing to do. But I'm pretty sleepy. I could also just go on Skype for 2 hours...Which would be AWESOME."
As it is, a lot of coupled people lose the motivation to go out and party as much. There's no mystery for them. They already know they're not gonna meet anyone they're interested in at the club. They know who they're interested in, and that person might be online right now. When couples are together, occasionally they'll just skip the hassle of going out and getting each other drunk and go straight to the punch line of ending up in bed together. Because hey, drinks are expensive, clubs are loud, sometimes you’re just sick of the song “I Gotta Feeling.” But when you're doing long distance, you don't have that option of being a boring couple and staying in together, and when you turn down social opportunities to wait around on Skype you sabotage yourself. You have to go out, you have to do things, start your new life, and yet somehow still include this other person who’s really far away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to share your life with someone when your life is over here and their life is all the way over there?
Sometimes their life is super boring and you’re really busy all the time. Sometimes it’s the opposite. And it’s hard to feel like you’re both on the same wavelength a lot of the time.
“How come I haven’t talked to you all day? What have you been up to?”
“I climbed Mt. Everest! I taught English to orphan children! And then I helped Arab Africans escape genocide in Darfur using only a toothpick and some foil! What did you do??”
“Finished all my homework. Killed a bug in the bathroom. Oh, and I changed my Facebook status to ‘Found Nemo.’ 12 people liked it so I felt pretty good about that…I told you about the peanut butter sandwich I had, right?”
And it’s hard to feel like with that much going on, and you not being a part of any of it, that you’re still important to someone. I mean think about it, they had a whole peanut butter sandwich. Where were you?
Communication is important. It’s impossible to not get frustrated with the situation at least once and a while. People can start to feel insecure, or needy, and it’s hard to solve those problems from so far away. There’s not always a definite solution to the problem, but when you can talk through it with your significant other it gets better. You’re more vulnerable, but you grow closer in ways you might never have imagined possible from so far away. And the waiting makes those moments together so much more precious.
