Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Parking in The Friend Zone

When you’re in a new place, making new friends, as any girl will tell you:
“It’s just so much easier to make friends with guys!”
And it’s true!  That’s because guys are more willing to randomly approach you, more eager to hang out and exchange numbers.  Sure, maybe initially they want to sleep with you…but whatever, they’ll get over it.
And sometimes this actually works out!  Sometimes you get along great, and decide to be friends, and everything is wonderful.  There’s a mutual understanding that everything is going to stay platonic…Even when alcohol is involved.
But sometimes this doesn’t work out.  Sometimes they just get annoying and fall in love with you.  They send little hints like describing their ideal woman to you, acting like you’re just having a friendly chat about liking other people when in fact they’re just listing out all your qualities.  Then they try to get you drunk in the hopes that you’ll finally admit your true secret feelings for them and the both of you will succumb to the throws of passion.  Then, when that doesn’t happen and you just end up hooking up with that cute guy from your Bio class instead, they ignore you for two weeks and claim to be really busy or sad about something completely unrelated. 
So okay boys, I’ll admit:  We know.  We’re pretty sure you don’t initially just see us and think, “Wow!  She looks like she’d make a great friend!”  But we can’t be positive.  And it’s a little bit deceptive because we act like we legitimately have no idea.  But it’s not like we can do anything about it.  It’s not like we can say, “Hey…so…just on the off-chance that you’re in love with me, don’t be.”  We’re not attempting to lead you on, we genuinely just enjoy your company and don’t see the harm in starting up a friendship.  We’re not considering how much it might hurt you. We don’t feel bad because we’re thinking about how you’ll benefit from a good friendship as well.  We’re just thinking, “Well, it’s not like I’m that good in bed anyway.  He’ll probably just get over it once he hears me burp the alphabet.”
Everyone has been there.  And it sucks to be that guy friend.  But it sucks to be that girl friend too.  Guy friends can be easier to make initially, but they’re a heck of a lot harder to keep around in the long run.  There’s complications when it comes to male/female relationships:
You need some kind of “Oh, you’re like a brother/sister to me!” chat, or a discussion of other people you’re interested in, or maybe a, “Hey, that’s my cousin too!”  ‘The understanding’ is closure on any future sexual activity.  No one’s waiting around for it to happen, no one’s being led on, or wondering ‘what if.’  It’s not a ‘will they/won’t they’ scenario.  It’s an absolutely, positively, understood ‘they won’t.’
Because eventually a Significant Other might arise, and if the friendship is just fueled by romantic interest, that’s a fuel you can be sure will run out once the significant other comes into play.  Tensions rise as they are introduced.  Threat levels are assessed as they judge one another’s attractiveness.  They shake hands and say hello, but the friend already knows its bye-bye friendship. 
Yes, guys always complain about being ‘friend-zoned.’   So okay, there’s no “benefits” in the sexual sense of the word.  There are hugs instead of kisses, phone calls prior to 1 am, and both parties stay fully clothed.  But ya know what’s cool about the guy in the friend-zone?  Sometimes he’s got one heck of a good friend.