There is No "Hook Up Culture."

...Then what the hell is going on here?

Image borrowed

So the ballots are in and the research is showing that while we like to pretend that we're a rebellious generation of sex, alcohol, and hip hop music....Turns out, we're actually a lot more like our parents than we thought.  In fact, our parents were having more sex than us.

The Numbers

A new study released from the University of Portland shows that while 59.3% of uni aged students from a sample of 1,800 are having sex at least once a week, comparatively, in the 80's 65.2% of uni age kids were getting laid.  We're not actually having more sex.  ...But we're damn good at acting like we are.

The Words

What the researchers don't understand is that the Hook Up Culture is very much alive and well.  But it's not about sex.  It's a culture that revolves around slang.  We may not be doing anything physically different than our parents' generation did, but we really excel at taking relationship situations and re-branding them under 'cooler' sounding names.  For example, we don't date people.  Dating is, well, out-dated.  We just have friends.  Friends who we hang out with. And then sleep with. Our "Friends-With-Benefits."  And then we have people we don't even really consider friends, but sleep with anyway when we're drunk and can't be bothered to meet new people.  So we gave that a nice friendly name as well, "F*** buddy."

       The Hook Up Culture isn't about the amount of casual sex, it's about making perfectly clear that the sex is casual.  We use these "friendly" new terms to establish something that sets our generation apart:  We are Very Very afraid of commitment. 

        The problem is, it's usually the committed people who are having the most sex.  And even though we're scared of commitment, we still like to seem like we're having a lot of sex.  Frankly, because we're worried that everyone else is.  And with the 'sex-sells' mentality that's been flooding the media since we were born...Can you blame us?

More Vague Than Vulgar

The term "Hooking Up" itself creates a happy conundrum.  It's so vague that it could mean anything from making out to having sex, with a lot of possibilities in between.  It's a phrase thrown around often enough but rarely ever actually explained, leaving most of us convinced that all our friends are out there having sex constantly.  And what this new study really shows is that, we're probably not. 

So in terms of "Hooking Up," does that happen more often in our generation?  Is there more drunk kissing?  And the biggest question of all...Does anybody really care about drunk kissing anyway?

So Mom and Dad, yeah, you may have banged just as many people in uni.  But there's no wayyou drunkenly made out with as many randoms to the sweet melodies of Ke$ha.  

Heartbreak 101 (How To Get Through A Breakup)

Image Borrowed

Lately a lot of broken hearts have crossed my path.

My biggest problem is that I always feel so helpless when a friend has a broken heart.  There’s not a solution for this.  And no matter how much you try to make them feel better, people will be sad when broken hearted.  They wont think logically.  There’s nothing you can say to convince them to feel any other way.  They want to be sad after rejection.  They don’t see the big picture, they don’t care what anyone else thinks, suddenly their entire emotional state is dependent on the approval of this one person, regardless of how shitty or inconsequential that person might actually be in reality.  That’s how it starts.  By going over what happened, what could have gone wrong, how on earth this person could possibly not reciprocate their feelings.

But then it gets much bigger than that.  They start to question their self worth entirely, feel loneliness even when surrounded by friends, and without the dumper even being there, or doing anything, their love and passion for them intensifies for no reason whatsoever.  You could be dating someone for a year and see them everyday and not ever feel this strongly for them.  But all the sudden, when they’re not around, and you're busy thinking about how much you suck, at the same time you're thinking about how great and flawless they are, and you have the "epiphany" that they are the perfect person.  Then you raise them up on a pedestal so high above yourself that regardless of how much you actually cared about them, or how much the relationship really meant to you, now that you are denied it, it’s the only thing that can consume your mind. 

Now since the relationship is over you can freely imagine how amazing the relationship would have been, and make up ideas of why you were fated to be together and then torn apart by the silly fact that they didn’t actually want to be together...but secretly hope that maybe eventually they'll "come to their senses."

Ya know what’s great about fantasizing over what could have been?   Reality can't swoop in and muck it all up. 

It’s a terribly painful process to go through.  But I think, secretly, we kinda like it.  I think we like knowing that we are even capable of feeling anything that intensely.  Even if it is self-loathing and depression.  Its healthy, in a way.  Gives you an excuse to sit and home and watch tv and eat ice cream and not think about anything but how much you suck and how great this other person is. 

Right, I know, still doesn’t sound all that appealing.  But the fact of the matter is, you know you'll move on.  It is rare that anyone will be capable of breaking your heart.  It is rare that anyone will be capable of capturing it in the first place.  These people, these heart-catchers, are put in our lives for a reason.  They teach us a lesson.  They fill us in on what exactly it takes for someone to be able to catch your heart, and then they'll teach you to appreciate love.  To be careful with love.  To love only when someone is deserving of it.